STAR TREK JOKE FROM THE 80s
I've been searching for years for the name of the comedian who told this Star Trek Joke:
(I'm going from memory so I may have some of the quote wrong, actually most of it, but if you ever saw this comedian do it, you'd know this bit right off)
"Ever see that episode of Star Trek where Spock is horny? Vulcans, you see, they're suppose to be like humans, but all pointy eared and logical. Except for when they get horny. See, they only mate every 7 years. Did you see it? Some funny shit. Spock gets all horny and he starts getting really pissed off at Kirk and everyone.
"Kirk: Spock, calculate the distance to that supernova.
Spock: Fuck you! I'm not calculating shit!?
"Kirk gets all worried and he asks Bones, "Bones, what's wrong with Spock? Bones says, "He's horny, Jim."
Kirk looks at Bones and says, "Are you sure? I've never seen him so worked up before. Well, why doesn't he just have sex with one of the women on board."
And Bones replies, "It won't work Jim. It has to be a Vulcan woman."
Kirk: What do you mean it has to be a Vulcan woman?
Bones: I mean, it has to be a Vulcan woman. It's simple mechanics.
Kirk What do you mean mechanics? Sex is sex.
Bones: He can't have just any woman, It has to be a Vulcan woman or the nozzle won't fit the tank"
Ok, I grand royally screwed the joke up but the punchline is unmistakable
This same comedian also went off to tell another joke about the Jamaican Bobsled team
That one started off like this.
"Did you see the winter olympics last year? Any of you watch the Jamaican Bobsled team. Man, what were those cats thinking? It must have went something like this...They were sitting on the beach and one of them comes out of the ocean, whips his dreds around to get the water out and says to the others, "I been tinkin mon." The cat on the beach is taking big hit off the spliff and says, "Wat you tinkin mon"
The first cat replies, "We should be bobsleddin mon!"
The cat on the beach, "Really mon?" Takes another big hit. "What we know about bobsleddin mon?"
The first cat, "Shit, i' teazy mon. I seen it. All we got to do is push da sled an' getin, no problem, mon."
"How long we got to train?"
"Ya mon, More than enough time, more than enough time."
Now if you know anything about bobsledding, you know that those cats train for years. There's four dudes per team. Now see, once the sound goes off for them to push that sled out they all start pushing then they jump in all in rhythm. Once inside they tuck their heads in and the cat at the front steers the thing. And whenever they hit a corner all of them move their heads so they keep perfectly aligned.
Not the Jamaicans. Man, as soon as they started off, I knew something was wrong. You didn't have to be an expert to know these cats weren't going to make it.
They were off to a bad start. One of the cats barely made it in after they began to push that sled onto the track. Once they got in, everything looked good. Then they hit that first curve.
Now, every other team when they hit that turn you could see from the camera that their heads were lined up perfectly. These cats....oh man, their heads went every direction but together! Then they came out of it. I couldn't believe it, jack, they actually made it.
And then came that second turn. This was one of those turns where you can't see the sled til they exit.
So for a split second I was like, "Oh shit, they might actually make it."
Then here comes the sled....upside down.
All you see was one head sticking out this way and another sticking out that way. I have to give it up to them. Nobody said they could do it. We thought they were dead, ya dig? But as soon as that sled slowed down enough, they all got out ok.
Now I want to know so bad I'm going to allow comments from anyone just to find out the answer. The only clues I have are the comedian was black, he wore thick aviator style glasses and suit, it was on cable and it might have been on HBO, it was right after the winter olympics when the Jamaicans first entered the bobsled competition. That's all I know. The dude was hilarious. I haven't done his jokes justice at all. He's not showing up on any of the comedian lists I've found online and I've gone one by one checking them all.